I was going to say it "sucks," but it's not as bad as all that, I guess.
I keep telling myself that it's OK if I want to have "just one" cigarette, but I know in my heart that's just rationalization. Some people can take or leave cigarettes. I can't. Some of my friends who have quit will occasionally smoke a little cigar, Black & Mild or something. I might be able to do that too, someday, but I think it's much too soon for that now.
All of the literature I've read says not to beat myself up if I slip. All that did was open the door to thinking I can just go buy a pack, say I've "slipped" and quit again. And I'm honestly thinking very hard about that today.
If I do that, I'm certainly not going to buy a pack. I'm probably not above bumming one from a smoker, but once I go out and purchase that pack, it's over.
I'm particularly concerned about Saturday night - Valentine's Day - because Rocket to Saturn is playing at Davey's Uptown. Since we always seem to end up playing last when we play there (which is not a "headlining" slot, incidentally, it's where the clubowner puts the band she thinks least likely to bring a crowd), that means I'll be sitting around for hours and hours. You can't smoke indoors in Kansas City anymore, but it's still going to be a serious struggle. I'm not looking forward to it.
Something tells me that by the end of the day, I purchase a pack of Black & Milds. We'll see. I am not a very strong person.